New Beginning

Recruitment is done. I spent a few weeks flying all over tarnation, missing classes, falling behind on school work--I justified it by telling myself that my grades wouldn't matter once I had a job--only to find myself on the other end in exactly the same state I began; without a job. So now I am scrambling to catch up on all the work I missed AND having to apply for more jobs.

Of course, the day the news hit I was kind of a wreck. I like to plan things, and for the first time in about two years, I found myself with absolutely no plan. I pat myself on the back for getting out of bed and being a functioning human being, considering how I felt.

Upon receiving my rejections, my first inclination was to go to grad school, get a Masters in Accounting, and apply to the firms again. However, apps are due soon, I haven't studied for/taken the GMAT (SO much more work), and who says I'm not going to waste $50,000 and an extra year getting the degree only to get rejected a THIRD time? Not smart.

I need to get past this won't-give-up-until-I-succeed thing. I am at the point where the universe clearly does not want me working at a firm, so I need to focus my energy on finding a place that DOES want me. I can run myself into the ground trying to achieve the goal, or I can focus my energy elsewhere and probably end up happier in the end (continual rejection isn't great for one's self-esteem).

I spent the evening scouring job posts, looking for anything and everything that I could apply for. Most employers are looking for someone who can work now, not next May when they graduate (or September, if I give myself the summer off). So I guess my current plan is to not have a plan and wait it out. Not my style, but if it were up to me I wouldn't be in this situation in the first place.

Otherwise I've been strangely calm about the whole thing. I tend to be really hard on myself when things like this happen, but I tried, didn't I? A for effort, F for results. One day my hard work will pay off---that's what I keep telling myself.

On an unrelated note, I've also been thinking a lot about my philosophy of life. I've already decided that things aren't necessarily fair or equal or just. Babies die, pedophiles win the lottery. It's still a work in progress, but here's three pillars of thought:

1. Everything happens for a reason. This one is too passive for me. The idea that everything is already determined from day one makes me feel like I have no say or control in anything.
2. Solitaire- all the cards are somewhere in the deck, but you don't know when or where they'll appear. Once they do, you must decide where to put them. This one is okay, but still, I question if all things are predetermined (ie. the deck). What about those random events that come out of nowhere?
3. Checkers- Life is a series of actions and reactions. You have no idea where the other player is going to move his chips, but once he does, you can make your move accordingly. Though the most chaotic of the three, I think this is closest to how I feel. Free will is king. I am in charge of my own destiny and have the ability to change my own life.

Have I mention that I am a damn good checkers player?
Adios for now