The Resilience Curve

I know I've been awfully philosophical lately, but I write what I think about, and this is what's on my mind.

Here is a shoddily constructed graph (don't have access to my normal graph-making program so I found some random website with a drawing pad), showing the relationship between Resilience and Adversity.
Basically, we develop resilience by facing and overcoming adversity. In the nature vs. nurture debate, I generally believe that each plays a 50-50 part. However, concerning resilience, I think nurture is the key player, and nature assists. That is not to say that nature isn't a factor, but certain people lack resilience simply because they don't ever face circumstances that require them to need it.

Now, to explain the graph:

• Point Na (Nature)- the Resilience curve doesn't start all the way at zero. The distance between the axis and this point, Na, takes into account that we are all born with some level of resilience whether we need to use it or not. However, without having had any adversity to overcome, we are still in a state of naiveté.
  

• As we live our lives, we face various setbacks. There are some dips in the curve, but overall we are able to move past them and increase our level of resilience. Over time, the curve will level out, same for some minor vacillations. This pattern can repeat indefinitely, but varies from person to person.

OPTIONAL:

• Point TP (The Tipping Point)- for some, this is the major setback or series of setbacks that finally knocks them over the edge. When one has faced so much adversity that their level of resilience dwindles and they begin to lose hope. At this point, one must either find a new source of resilience, or hit RB.
  

• Point RB (Rock Bottom)- Hopefully most of you never end up here; this is the lowest of the low. I haven't put much thought into what rock bottom actually is (how do you know when you're there...and are you even alive at this point??). I guess it's another one of those subjective, figure-it-out-in-hindsight ideas.

If you find yourself approaching TP or RB, take a minute to reassess what brought you to that point, and if things are really that bad. You'll probably find that:
(a) what you are mistaking for TP or RB is just a minor case of burnout or a dip in your
resilience curve.
(b) things can always get worse, so stop your whining.

Gratitude

The theme of my leadership class this morning was gratitude in honor of Thanksgiving. Besides going around the room and sharing what we were thankful for (a fairly typical Thanksgivingy activity) one activity was particularly noteworthy.

The majority of the class was instructed to lie on the ground with their eyes closed, and a few class members stood over them. The facilitators read off questions, and the standers would walk around and tap all the people on the ground to whom it applied. (who is intelligent, who is a leader, who makes their parents proud...etc.). Then another group would stand and tap, until everyone had a chance.

For most of the questions, I didn't think people would tap me. But they did. A lot.


So besides the family/health/happiness that most people are thankful for, I'm thankful for others, and their ability to see the good qualities that I sometimes fail to see in myself.

Pill Pushing

My dad gave me some pills to take. I just took one, then, out of curiosity, googled the name to see what it was/side effects, etc.

What the fuck? Seriously, what the fuck? Not worth it. I'm throwing them out.

Theory of Nouns

I woke up an hour too early this morning, and I could tell right away that I wasn't going to fall back asleep. I told myself to just lay in bed until it was time to get up, but the combo of silence, my thoughts, and hunger finally got me up. So now I'm sitting in kitchen, basking in the partially-cloudy morning light and listening to Arcade Fire via NPR. Better.

Today's topic: my Theory of Nouns. I thought of it sometime within the last year. It's an attempt to explain how people plan out their futures. In case you need a refresher, here's dictionary.com's official definition of the word noun (though if you've graduated elementary school and don't know this, I'm a little worried about you)

noun (naʊn)
a. a word or group of words that refers to a person, place, or thing or any syntactically similar word

So back to the theory--I think everyone organizes their life around one of the characteristics of nouns [person, place, or thing for the sake of simplicity]

1. Person--'person' people organize their lives around whomever they want to be with. They will move anywhere, take any job; whatever it takes to end up with the person.

2. Place--These people choose a particular city or region where they'd like to end up. They don't care what they do or who they are with, as long as they are in their chosen destination.

3. Thing--Organize their futures around whatever job or activity they want to do. Career people.

One downside to this theory is that in pursuit of achieving your primary noun preference, you may be ignoring the other two. This error tends to reveal itself in hindsight.

Hope that was enlightening.
Happy Wednesday.

New Beginning

Recruitment is done. I spent a few weeks flying all over tarnation, missing classes, falling behind on school work--I justified it by telling myself that my grades wouldn't matter once I had a job--only to find myself on the other end in exactly the same state I began; without a job. So now I am scrambling to catch up on all the work I missed AND having to apply for more jobs.

Of course, the day the news hit I was kind of a wreck. I like to plan things, and for the first time in about two years, I found myself with absolutely no plan. I pat myself on the back for getting out of bed and being a functioning human being, considering how I felt.

Upon receiving my rejections, my first inclination was to go to grad school, get a Masters in Accounting, and apply to the firms again. However, apps are due soon, I haven't studied for/taken the GMAT (SO much more work), and who says I'm not going to waste $50,000 and an extra year getting the degree only to get rejected a THIRD time? Not smart.

I need to get past this won't-give-up-until-I-succeed thing. I am at the point where the universe clearly does not want me working at a firm, so I need to focus my energy on finding a place that DOES want me. I can run myself into the ground trying to achieve the goal, or I can focus my energy elsewhere and probably end up happier in the end (continual rejection isn't great for one's self-esteem).

I spent the evening scouring job posts, looking for anything and everything that I could apply for. Most employers are looking for someone who can work now, not next May when they graduate (or September, if I give myself the summer off). So I guess my current plan is to not have a plan and wait it out. Not my style, but if it were up to me I wouldn't be in this situation in the first place.

Otherwise I've been strangely calm about the whole thing. I tend to be really hard on myself when things like this happen, but I tried, didn't I? A for effort, F for results. One day my hard work will pay off---that's what I keep telling myself.

On an unrelated note, I've also been thinking a lot about my philosophy of life. I've already decided that things aren't necessarily fair or equal or just. Babies die, pedophiles win the lottery. It's still a work in progress, but here's three pillars of thought:

1. Everything happens for a reason. This one is too passive for me. The idea that everything is already determined from day one makes me feel like I have no say or control in anything.
2. Solitaire- all the cards are somewhere in the deck, but you don't know when or where they'll appear. Once they do, you must decide where to put them. This one is okay, but still, I question if all things are predetermined (ie. the deck). What about those random events that come out of nowhere?
3. Checkers- Life is a series of actions and reactions. You have no idea where the other player is going to move his chips, but once he does, you can make your move accordingly. Though the most chaotic of the three, I think this is closest to how I feel. Free will is king. I am in charge of my own destiny and have the ability to change my own life.

Have I mention that I am a damn good checkers player?
Adios for now

I am going to make a new post later today or tomorrow. I have a lot to say, so I need to organize my thoughts first. Prepare yourselves