I have a lot to get done this weekend. I've been awake for many hours, but I haven't actually done anything because I've been sitting here thinking about how much I have to do.
It's a surprisingly hard cycle to break.
March 25, 2011
March 22, 2011
Silencio, por favor
I just returned from a weekend at a Zen center in the mountains. Given all the meditation I've been doing, I think that silence is an appropriate topic.
Silence: some people like it; some people find it incredibly awkward. I'm in the first group. This is not to say that I'm consistently a quiet person (I have my talkative spurts), but I also don't scramble to fill silences when they arise. I tend only to talk when I have something I really want to say, and I'd like to think that that makes what I say a little more meaningful (don't correct me if I'm wrong...).
At the Zen retreat, our group took part in a completely silent lunch. Some of my classmates were visibly uncomfortable, rushed through the meal, and left as soon as they were done. I loved it. There was no pressure to fill silences (yes, sometimes I conform a little as to not make more talkative people think I'm awkward), and I was able to enjoy my food much more.
Tonight, I went for a walk with a friend that I frequently walk with, and we discussed our attitudes about silence (talking about silence...ironic, right?). He pointed out that we are both introspective people, so what might be perceived as awkward silences by others is really us getting lost in thought and forgetting that we aren't talking out loud.
So true. I often go long stretches of time without saying a word, and only become aware of my extended silence once I talk to another human being again. Driving is another quiet time for me. I usually drive alone, so I've gotten used to using the car as my thinking place. Sometimes, when I'm driving other people, I'll start thinking about stuff and not talk to the person in the car.
In conclusion, I think silence is golden, but sorry to all the talkers who find me incredibly awkward.
Silence: some people like it; some people find it incredibly awkward. I'm in the first group. This is not to say that I'm consistently a quiet person (I have my talkative spurts), but I also don't scramble to fill silences when they arise. I tend only to talk when I have something I really want to say, and I'd like to think that that makes what I say a little more meaningful (don't correct me if I'm wrong...).
At the Zen retreat, our group took part in a completely silent lunch. Some of my classmates were visibly uncomfortable, rushed through the meal, and left as soon as they were done. I loved it. There was no pressure to fill silences (yes, sometimes I conform a little as to not make more talkative people think I'm awkward), and I was able to enjoy my food much more.
Tonight, I went for a walk with a friend that I frequently walk with, and we discussed our attitudes about silence (talking about silence...ironic, right?). He pointed out that we are both introspective people, so what might be perceived as awkward silences by others is really us getting lost in thought and forgetting that we aren't talking out loud.
So true. I often go long stretches of time without saying a word, and only become aware of my extended silence once I talk to another human being again. Driving is another quiet time for me. I usually drive alone, so I've gotten used to using the car as my thinking place. Sometimes, when I'm driving other people, I'll start thinking about stuff and not talk to the person in the car.
In conclusion, I think silence is golden, but sorry to all the talkers who find me incredibly awkward.
March 17, 2011
Fear
Despite the potentially philosophical title, today's entry is actually about St. Patrick's Day.
I don't have anything green to wear. I own lots of turquoise, teal, and even chartreuse, but these not-quite-green colors may still warrant pinches among those green-snobs that only consider true greens (kelly, lime, forrest) to count.
I am afraid of St. Patrick's Day. People are mean (and at my age, probably a little drunk). When I was younger, I used to purposely not wear green, because I thought that being Jewish made me exempt from getting pinched. My classmates disagreed, and every year I would come home from school with red pinch marks all over me.
Also, when foods that are not typically green are one day green, it usually implies that they are no longer good to eat. I almost threw up at my 4th grade St. Patrick's Day party when the room-moms served us green milk. I like my milk white. Actually, I'm lactose intolerant, so I don't like milk at all.
So here's to another year of getting pinched and eating moldy-looking food.
I don't have anything green to wear. I own lots of turquoise, teal, and even chartreuse, but these not-quite-green colors may still warrant pinches among those green-snobs that only consider true greens (kelly, lime, forrest) to count.
I am afraid of St. Patrick's Day. People are mean (and at my age, probably a little drunk). When I was younger, I used to purposely not wear green, because I thought that being Jewish made me exempt from getting pinched. My classmates disagreed, and every year I would come home from school with red pinch marks all over me.
Also, when foods that are not typically green are one day green, it usually implies that they are no longer good to eat. I almost threw up at my 4th grade St. Patrick's Day party when the room-moms served us green milk. I like my milk white. Actually, I'm lactose intolerant, so I don't like milk at all.
So here's to another year of getting pinched and eating moldy-looking food.
"I hate my job"
March 15, 2011
My Inner Inventor
Sometimes, I come up with strange ideas of things that I would invent if I were skilled enough to invent things (or had the money to hire people who did).
A debit card with a dot that changed color depending on your account balance, or cars with magnets that repelled against other cars (no more accidents?)
I thought of another invention yesterday: technology emotion sensors. When I receive an email or text, my phone makes the same sound no matter the content of the message. My text sound happens to be very happy-sounding chime, so it always throws me off a bit when the happy chime chimes and the text is bad/sad news. With technology emotion sensors, the sound would adjust according to the content of the message. If the text said "Grandpa died" the corresponding sound would be somber vs. if they text read, "just won the lottery!!!!!!!!!!!"--happy sound. Of course, this invention would involve an invasion of privacy to some extent because the emotion-sensing computer/robot would have to scan the message for content. Overall, I think it would be helpful. One day if I have money I will hire a fresh-out-of-school techie to invent it for me.
Mr. Robot: in ur fone, readin ur textz
A debit card with a dot that changed color depending on your account balance, or cars with magnets that repelled against other cars (no more accidents?)
I thought of another invention yesterday: technology emotion sensors. When I receive an email or text, my phone makes the same sound no matter the content of the message. My text sound happens to be very happy-sounding chime, so it always throws me off a bit when the happy chime chimes and the text is bad/sad news. With technology emotion sensors, the sound would adjust according to the content of the message. If the text said "Grandpa died" the corresponding sound would be somber vs. if they text read, "just won the lottery!!!!!!!!!!!"--happy sound. Of course, this invention would involve an invasion of privacy to some extent because the emotion-sensing computer/robot would have to scan the message for content. Overall, I think it would be helpful. One day if I have money I will hire a fresh-out-of-school techie to invent it for me.
Mr. Robot: in ur fone, readin ur textz
March 14, 2011
The Affluence Gap
I came home for the day, so this is my first ever post from the computer at my parents' house. While taking a shower (you'll notice that this and my car are my primary sources of inspiration), I thought about a conversation I had with my former/future roommate the other day.
I might whine alot on this blog, but never about money. I can be frugal with what I earn myself, but I know that if times get rough my parents will help out. They paid for my education (thanks!), they pay my rent, they bought my car.
And now you're probably wondering how I could possibly skew this situation into a complaint...
It's not a complaint, exactly, but roommate and I came to the realization that we've never seen our parents struggle over money, and therefore are that much more freaked out to enter our just-out-of-college-no-money phase. Neither of my parents grew up with money, and probably did their fair deal of struggling when they were my age, but by the time I was born/aware of my surroundings, they were out of that phase. My question is, are children who have witnessed their parents struggle with money any less worried?
It's a daunting idea that we all start out at the bottom and work our way up in the world, but if we all started at the top we'd have nothing to strive for. I guess it just takes time, pacience, and...frugality?
I might whine alot on this blog, but never about money. I can be frugal with what I earn myself, but I know that if times get rough my parents will help out. They paid for my education (thanks!), they pay my rent, they bought my car.
And now you're probably wondering how I could possibly skew this situation into a complaint...
It's not a complaint, exactly, but roommate and I came to the realization that we've never seen our parents struggle over money, and therefore are that much more freaked out to enter our just-out-of-college-no-money phase. Neither of my parents grew up with money, and probably did their fair deal of struggling when they were my age, but by the time I was born/aware of my surroundings, they were out of that phase. My question is, are children who have witnessed their parents struggle with money any less worried?
It's a daunting idea that we all start out at the bottom and work our way up in the world, but if we all started at the top we'd have nothing to strive for. I guess it just takes time, pacience, and...frugality?
March 12, 2011
So here's why I'm creepy...
I just stumbled upon the Facebook profiles of a pleasant looking group of travel-loving Swedish friends. Now I am looking at their lovely Swedish photos and basking in their idyllic Swedish lives.
A) I feel creepy right now
B) Despite A, these creeper feeling aren't compelling me to stop just yet
C) I hope in that in my next life I am Swedish.
A) I feel creepy right now
B) Despite A, these creeper feeling aren't compelling me to stop just yet
C) I hope in that in my next life I am Swedish.
Manning Up
Tonight, instead of venturing into the outside world/expending energy, my roommate and I watched The Graduate. I first watched this movie about a year ago, but wasn't thinking about it within the context of my life. I can safely report that I found very few similarities between myself and Dustin Hoffman's character (and I don't just mean that I am female and he isn't...I don't think cougarism works when genders flop).
Afterward, as roommate and I were cleaning up brownie remnants (no movie night is complete without some form of dessert), she asked me "if our house were a family, what roles would everybody have?" Never thought about that before. There are 5 of us, so 2 parents and 3 kids. I was able to place one (a very obvious youngest child), but none of the rest. She told me that I am the dad of the family (the second manly reference of this post). A little confusing at first, but her explanation is that I work hard and don't get involved (is this good [stay out of the drama] or not good [distant]?).
I faxed in my signed offer letter to future job this morning, so I won't be spending the summer drifting on a pool float and having no plans a-la Dustin Hoffman.
-----"Ben, what are you doing?"
"Well, I would say that I'm just drifting. Here in the pool."
-----"Why?"
"Well, it's very comfortable just to drift here."
Afterward, as roommate and I were cleaning up brownie remnants (no movie night is complete without some form of dessert), she asked me "if our house were a family, what roles would everybody have?" Never thought about that before. There are 5 of us, so 2 parents and 3 kids. I was able to place one (a very obvious youngest child), but none of the rest. She told me that I am the dad of the family (the second manly reference of this post). A little confusing at first, but her explanation is that I work hard and don't get involved (is this good [stay out of the drama] or not good [distant]?).
I faxed in my signed offer letter to future job this morning, so I won't be spending the summer drifting on a pool float and having no plans a-la Dustin Hoffman.
"Well, I would say that I'm just drifting. Here in the pool."
-----"Why?"
"Well, it's very comfortable just to drift here."
March 11, 2011
Senioritis
As requested, I'm blogging about my senioritis. I woke up this morning and didn't really give a shit. I sat through 2 classes (my other two were canceled today, luckily, or my brain may have exploded) physically, but not mentally. I don't want to have senioritis, because I'd like to think that I'm intrinsically motivated to work hard regardless of the situation (I may be a senior in college, but I'm a pre-schooler in "real life").
Maybe this is temporary. It's been a really long week (actually 2 weeks)--I spent the whole weekend prepping the kids I tutor for their midterm/studying for my own midterms...so Monday felt like the continuation of the previous week rather than a new one. I spent 6 hours putting together a study guide and creating practice problems, then 6 more hours actually tutoring. The day after the test, some girl emailed me to say that she didn't event attempt to answer the problem that was 40% of the total test, and that my study session wasn't effective because there were too many people there.
A) Sorry, but I'm not going to limit the size of the session. It's open to anyone who wants it
B) Never leave a test answer completely blank. Write something
C) I'm a tutor, not a miracle worker
Earlier this afternoon, I went out for coffee with the woman in charge of job placement to catch up. She said I can come across as 'unaffected and serious' (i.e. intimidating. I hear that all too often), and maybe that's why I had a harder time getting hired. Shitty. I can't help it that God graced me with this unfriendly-looking bone structure. And maybe I am a little more reserved around people I don't know well, but I wouldn't consider myself a mean person.
At least it's the weekend. Tomorrow I am going on a hike.
Maybe this is temporary. It's been a really long week (actually 2 weeks)--I spent the whole weekend prepping the kids I tutor for their midterm/studying for my own midterms...so Monday felt like the continuation of the previous week rather than a new one. I spent 6 hours putting together a study guide and creating practice problems, then 6 more hours actually tutoring. The day after the test, some girl emailed me to say that she didn't event attempt to answer the problem that was 40% of the total test, and that my study session wasn't effective because there were too many people there.
A) Sorry, but I'm not going to limit the size of the session. It's open to anyone who wants it
B) Never leave a test answer completely blank. Write something
C) I'm a tutor, not a miracle worker
Earlier this afternoon, I went out for coffee with the woman in charge of job placement to catch up. She said I can come across as 'unaffected and serious' (i.e. intimidating. I hear that all too often), and maybe that's why I had a harder time getting hired. Shitty. I can't help it that God graced me with this unfriendly-looking bone structure. And maybe I am a little more reserved around people I don't know well, but I wouldn't consider myself a mean person.
At least it's the weekend. Tomorrow I am going on a hike.
March 6, 2011
March 5, 2011
Let me get this off my chest so I can finally move on.
Dear Ex-Lover,
I've grown up with the phrase 'If something seems too good to be true, it probably is' pounded into my psyche.
Unfortunately, you were no exception.
After a great deal of consideration, I've assembled a list of reasons why this is true:
1. You were too attractive
2. Your taste in music was too good
3. You were too passionate about your work
4. In fact, you were too passionate about everything you did
5. We had too much in common
6. You were too cultured, adventurous, and intelligent
7. Oh, and you broke my heart you stupid motherfucker
I hope you are happy and all is well.
Sincerely,
Me
I've grown up with the phrase 'If something seems too good to be true, it probably is' pounded into my psyche.
Unfortunately, you were no exception.
After a great deal of consideration, I've assembled a list of reasons why this is true:
1. You were too attractive
2. Your taste in music was too good
3. You were too passionate about your work
4. In fact, you were too passionate about everything you did
5. We had too much in common
6. You were too cultured, adventurous, and intelligent
7. Oh, and you broke my heart you stupid motherfucker
I hope you are happy and all is well.
Sincerely,
Me
March 4, 2011
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