The Birdcage

Yesterday, as I was driving up to LA (third time this week), listening to oldies on the radio and letting my mind wander, I thought of another bloggable topic: how people display their emotions.

The idea was partially inspired by a friend who's had a particularly rough week. As my house-mates and I wondered how to console her, we realized that she often freaks out about little things, but we weren't sure how she reacted to 'big stuff'. I find that this particular friend and I are pretty similar, so I had a feeling her reaction would be much quieter than my house-mates expected. Sure enough, when I saw her the next day, she said that she went off by herself, curled up in a ball, and did her thing.

Back to my LA car ride--that's when I thought of an interesting analogy for the two types of emotional displays: those who wear their emotions on their sleeves, and those who...don't.

Emotions are birds. Some let their birds fly free, while others prefer to keep them in a cage so they can keep an eye on them. Initially, it seems like it is preferable to keep the birds caged. However, the problem with keeping the birds caged up is that on the rare occasion they do get out, they scatter with the breeze and it takes absolutely forever to locate them all and get them back in the cage. This is likely because these birds are more deprived for freedom than the birds that are free all the time. Once you do find the birds and put them all back (or as many as you can find), there is a feeling of unrest within the cage because the birds know what it feels like to fly free and want to return to their natural state.

So is it best to never let the birds out in the first place? Sometimes, we don't have a choice, but also it's a personal preference. It might be easier to keep them caged, but then again, birds have wings for a reason.

Photo credit: me. April 2010

I took a trip to LA earlier this evening, and on my way home I had the pleasure of driving past LAX. At one point, I counted twelve airplanes in the sky, preparing to land.
Twelve different planes coming from twelve different places.
Where are they going? Where have they been?

The L Word

Since Valentine's Day is approaching (actually, it's not, but step into a mall or grocery store and you'll be convinced otherwise), I thought I'd do an entry on love.

First of all, love is a broad, vague term. It can be used between couples, from parents to children, between drunk girls at parties, and to refer to food (and other material things).

More specifically, I want to talk about the distinction between loving and being in love. I was talking to a girl in my class today, and she mentioned that she loved her boyfriend before she was in love with him. This got me thinking, what's the difference?

Being in love is active state of being. I think it refers to love between couples. It requires work, and it is constantly reassessed (do we still love each other/want to stay together?). Being in love encompasses loving, so when you are in love with somebody, you love them (duh).

Loving is more passive. You may love somebody because their relationship to you. For example, you love your family, but you certainly wouldn't tell people you were in love with them unless you are weird. You may also love somebody you respect or admire. You may also sometimes love somebody you used to be in love with. Since being in love requires active work, you can't be in love with someone you aren't in a relationship with. However, unless there was a nasty falling out, chances are you still harbor many happy memories and respect the person as a human being.

Back to School Assessment

Interterm started this today (my second-to-last semester of college!). The day was fairly uneventful until my roommate told me that she and her boyfriend had broken up (not going to lie--I wasn't expecting it. They've been together, like, forever). To help her grieve, we sat down together and discussed some of the reasons relationships suck at our age.

1. As seniors in college, we are all asking ourselves 'Who am I, and what the hell do I want out of life?' It's difficult to incorporate another person into this vision because frankly, we have no idea what the vision is.

2. When we are young, we think that people who like each other are in relationships, and people who don't aren't. Once you begin to think about leaving the cocoon of school, you realize that it usually involves relocation to some extent. Logistically, maintaining a relationship isn't easy. It can be a weird concept to fathom: people who like each other sometimes can't be together.

3. Couples that do stay together/get married immediately after college have to make a lot of sacrifices. People with big goals may feel trapped/unfulfilled knowing that they gave it all up to maintain a relationship. Or not. It depends.

4. Bonus: If you wait until a few years after college, you have a greater chance of meeting someone who already has their shit together (as do you), so you never have to go through the existential/quarter life crisis phase.


For now, I advised her to stay distracted, not listen to music, not be alone, no hookups (ALWAYS backfire), and not force herself back into the dating scene (she's still in the 'can't look at guys' phase).