Clean

To answer the question posed in my last post: yes.  But not for the reason I expected.

My weekend was full of fun plans. And, as planned, they were all fun. But, the thing that really made my weekend was a completely spontaneous dance party.  As I flailed around my friends' apartment like an idiot, I found that, for the first time in a very long time, I wasn't thinking about anything. Not the stressful work week ahead, not the future, nothing. I was just absorbing the music into my soul and dancing. It was beautiful to feel so free and at ease.

Afterward, while driving home and blasting classic rock (interspersed with sitar solos), I thought about how long it had been since I'd felt so (dare I say it?) happy.  For a moment, I was unsettled by the idea that I had become so disconnected from that part of myself, but then the voice in my head said, 'Dana, this is why you are alive.'  And I actually started to cry a little bit - happy tears, I think.  Or tears of relief that the hard outer shell of worry and anxiety that sometimes cuts me off from everything and everyone is finally starting to crack.

Also, I think I need to dance more.  Just for the hell of it. Dance myself clean.