Getting rejected sucks. Having to reject someone else...well, it also sucks. It's easy to tell someone you're not interested (hell-fucking-no, or the like), but how do you do it nicely? And is it okay to lie to spare someone's feelings?
This past weekend, I realized that I was without a decent spatula. My mom had given me a 20% off coupon to Bed Bath & Beyond (beyond what? nobody knows), so I decided to put it to good use. As I was leaving the store with my purchase, some guy asked me "where's your stuff?"
"Right here," I said, waving the spatula.
"That's all?"
"Yes. I had a coupon."
End of conversation, or so I thought. About 5 minutes later, as I was walking to my car, a few blocksaway, I heard someone yelling behind me. It was the guy, and he was running after me.
"Look at this coupon!" he yell/panted triumphantly. On his receipt, someone had hand-written '20% off total purchase,' (apparently it was a manager).
"Wow," I said, in a tone that attempted to hide how un-impressed I was. He didn't know that I knew that you could use multiple '20% off any single-item coupons' in a single purchase. I guess I did a good job of feigning interest, because we proceeded to have an unnecessarily long conversation about coupons.
After the awkward coupon-related chatter ended, in which I assured him that my mom would send me more coupons and I really didn't need his, he interjected with "you're so beautiful. We should hang out. What's your number?"
Shit. Put on the spot, I gave it to him (mostly so I could go free and not have to reject him then and there). As I was walked away (quickly- I didn't want to be caught up with again), I brainstormed about how to reject him nicely. He seemed perfectly friendly, just not my type (probably in his early thirties, and wearing sweat pants with a denim button-up shirt). I decided the best plan was when he called, I'd tell him that I had a boyfriend, but was so startled by his running after me that I hadn't remembered to tell him.
I immediately felt guilty (the downside of being a jew) about my plan, because there were two major moral problems:
1) If I had a boyfriend, I'd be a horrible girlfriend to 'forget' and let guys hit on me.
2) It's not true, so I'm a liar.
When it comes to rejection, being mean or blunt is easy. Being nice is an art--an art which I have not perfected, which is why, when the guy called tonight, I didn't answer my phone. He left a voicemail. I probably won't ever listen to it or call him back. And he'll probably think I'm a bitch.
I honestly do feel guilty, but how much must I compromise myself to spare others feelings?
[The rare and elusive coupon that started it all.]
It's not your fault you're beautiful! But when a man flat out tells you he thinks that and is so obvious, it is awkwardly aggressive and forward.
ReplyDeletein the future, don't give out your number in a situation like that (don't even take his number, it shows interest and gives false hope) for now, answer his call and let him down gently. say u just got out of a relationship and aren't interested in dating right now. that way it isn't personal.
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