I don't have anything green to wear. I own lots of turquoise, teal, and even chartreuse, but these not-quite-green colors may still warrant pinches among those green-snobs that only consider true greens (kelly, lime, forrest) to count.
I am afraid of St. Patrick's Day. People are mean (and at my age, probably a little drunk). When I was younger, I used to purposely not wear green, because I thought that being Jewish made me exempt from getting pinched. My classmates disagreed, and every year I would come home from school with red pinch marks all over me.
Also, when foods that are not typically green are one day green, it usually implies that they are no longer good to eat. I almost threw up at my 4th grade St. Patrick's Day party when the room-moms served us green milk. I like my milk white. Actually, I'm lactose intolerant, so I don't like milk at all.
So here's to another year of getting pinched and eating moldy-looking food.
"I hate my job"
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