I have a co-worker who has a tendency to say unusual things, and by unusual I mean blunt, inappropriate, strange, awkward, etc... Before I forget, I thought I'd share the best of the best.
Co-worker: I have a question. Did you get fat while you were studying for the CPA exams?
Me: *Odd sideways glance* I don't know. You tell me.
Translation: [If I did get fat, use your eyes to answer the question. If I didn't get fat, also use your eyes to answer the question. Also, just never ask a girl about getting fat.]
Co-worker: I can't tell. I thought you'd know.
. . .
Co-worker: Wait- do girls piss standing up?
Me: *Odd sideways glance* No.
Translation: [Piss? Nice choice of words. I'd hate to be the barer of bad news, but girls actually lack a certain aimable appendage that allows one to piss standing up.]
Co-worker: Oh. Cool.
. . .
Co-worker: Your work pants look comfortable. Can you do squats in them?
Me: *Odd sideways glance* Not sure.
Translation: [I don't usually do squats at work, and I don't wear my work pants to the gym.]
Co-worker: Hmm. Weird. I can.
. . .
Co-worker: Do your parents ever tell you they love you?
Me: *Odd sideways glance* Yes.
Translation: [If he says no I'm going to feel awkward...]
Co-worker: Oh. Mine don't.
End note: I didn't give any context to any of these mini conversations because there usually isn't any.
Other end note: He often wonders aloud why he is single. I say nothing.
October 30, 2012
October 23, 2012
Mid-Week Realization
In the workplace (and in real life, but that's a whole other story), there are too many people who put in as little effort as possible, and are upset when they don't receive the praise and rewards they think they are entitled to expect.
Guess what guys, with unemployment rates what they are, be glad you have a job at all and start pulling your weight. It's called 'work' for a reason.
Guess what guys, with unemployment rates what they are, be glad you have a job at all and start pulling your weight. It's called 'work' for a reason.
October 19, 2012
Hit The Nail On The Head
Earlier in the week, I agreed to attend a concert with a friend. Since I barely know the band, I've been sitting in my room for the last two hours listening to their music, so when I see them live next week I won't feel like an idiot.
Great story, eh? Don't worry - despite my lack of creative blogging lately, something that mundane will never qualify as news worthy of a post. Paragraph 1 was merely the setup: my brain does its finest churning while under the influence of music (especially mellow stuff, which is the case tonight).
Since May, I've been taking note of the personality changes between my pre-studying self and my post-studying self. I expected that my personality wouldn't come back right away (just ask anyone who's had a lobotomy), but now that it's been a few months, I've been increasingly worried by the fact that many of my pre-studying characteristics and hobbies have not returned (and will probably never return). I feel like the kid who dropped an armful of marbles and is now trying unsuccessfully to chase after every last one (feel free to insert a 'she lost her marbles' quip here - I backed myself into that one).
Tonight, while the unknown band's music played, I read through my entire blog archive.
Conclusion: I am a completely different person now. Completely. I can still hear my voice in the older writings, yet I'm beginning to feel the same way as I do when I watch home videos of my toddler self; I realize that the person I'm staring at is me but find it hard to relate or identify with that former version of myself.
My interests aren't gone - they've just changed. Because I've changed, which is totally normal between the ages of 22 and 24. Inserting a 7-month period of essentially cutting all ties with everything and everyone during that time simply accentuated/accelerated the changes that were going to happen anyway. Even without the studying, the changes still would have occurred, but it would have been more of an effort on my part to notice and track them.
So, much to my relief, my personality is not gone. When any event serious enough to temporarily erase your personality slate occurs (studying...or sickness, deaths, breakups, etc...), it's fascinating to see which old traits return, which don't, and which completely new ones pop up.
Kind of like a garden of unknown seedlings that are just starting to break through the soil (dumb final metaphor, but it's late, so forgive me).
What are they?
Great story, eh? Don't worry - despite my lack of creative blogging lately, something that mundane will never qualify as news worthy of a post. Paragraph 1 was merely the setup: my brain does its finest churning while under the influence of music (especially mellow stuff, which is the case tonight).
Since May, I've been taking note of the personality changes between my pre-studying self and my post-studying self. I expected that my personality wouldn't come back right away (just ask anyone who's had a lobotomy), but now that it's been a few months, I've been increasingly worried by the fact that many of my pre-studying characteristics and hobbies have not returned (and will probably never return). I feel like the kid who dropped an armful of marbles and is now trying unsuccessfully to chase after every last one (feel free to insert a 'she lost her marbles' quip here - I backed myself into that one).
Tonight, while the unknown band's music played, I read through my entire blog archive.
Conclusion: I am a completely different person now. Completely. I can still hear my voice in the older writings, yet I'm beginning to feel the same way as I do when I watch home videos of my toddler self; I realize that the person I'm staring at is me but find it hard to relate or identify with that former version of myself.
My interests aren't gone - they've just changed. Because I've changed, which is totally normal between the ages of 22 and 24. Inserting a 7-month period of essentially cutting all ties with everything and everyone during that time simply accentuated/accelerated the changes that were going to happen anyway. Even without the studying, the changes still would have occurred, but it would have been more of an effort on my part to notice and track them.
So, much to my relief, my personality is not gone. When any event serious enough to temporarily erase your personality slate occurs (studying...or sickness, deaths, breakups, etc...), it's fascinating to see which old traits return, which don't, and which completely new ones pop up.
Kind of like a garden of unknown seedlings that are just starting to break through the soil (dumb final metaphor, but it's late, so forgive me).
What are they?
October 9, 2012
Photo Essence
I'm not a huge fan of posting pictures of myself all over the blog, but once in a while, I'll come upon a photo that captures my essence.
Here is the first one. Inside, wearing a pea coat, and drinking cherry coke zero through a straw with a completely unnecessary pink umbrella.
I found the second one today. While in the early stages of a refreshing dip, I suddenly decide that cold water sucks, and rethink my decision while I cover my face with claw-hands.
There's really no rhyme or reason (or code to crack or pattern to uncover) as to why these photos are so me. I guess my best explanation is that they are candid shots of me doing the kooky things (such as unnecessary drink umbrellas and claw hands) that I'm usually doing when cameras aren't around.
Here is the first one. Inside, wearing a pea coat, and drinking cherry coke zero through a straw with a completely unnecessary pink umbrella.
I found the second one today. While in the early stages of a refreshing dip, I suddenly decide that cold water sucks, and rethink my decision while I cover my face with claw-hands.
There's really no rhyme or reason (or code to crack or pattern to uncover) as to why these photos are so me. I guess my best explanation is that they are candid shots of me doing the kooky things (such as unnecessary drink umbrellas and claw hands) that I'm usually doing when cameras aren't around.
October 8, 2012
24 Years After The Day I Was Born
First things first, happy birthday to me! I survived my 23rd year, though 7 of the 12 months were absolute study-hell. No matter, I'm 24 now!
Today was a good day, as far as birthdays go. I played hooky from work (if hooky means formally scheduling the day off a month in advance) and stayed home (parents home) for an extra day.
The day got off to a not-particularly-birthdayish start: a trip to the dentist in which the hygienist went to town on my coffee/soda stains (probably my fault, but I've recently cut back, so next time should be better), and then informed me that the dentist noticed a cavity in 2010 and wrote it in my file, but never filled it. They asked me if I wanted to get it filled today. I said no. (Who gets a cavity filled on their birthday?)
Next was a birthday massage, a tradition running two years strong (and hopefully forever).
Lunch was excellent, followed by a dessert of pumpkin ice cream topped with a fluffy pumpkin cookie and accompanied by pumpkin coffee.
The day took an interesting turn during an evening walk with my mom. Out of nowhere, she dropped the 'why don't you try match.com?' bomb. Apparently, it's how everyone is meeting people these days (which makes me...no one?). I can't verbalize my opposition to online dating as well as I'd like to. I just don't want to do it, and I'm afraid that my already dwindling faith in humanity will die completely if I repeatedly subject myself to awful dates. I told her no.
"Fine," she said, "but you don't really ever meet people in your day to day life, and if you wait until you're too old to go online, all the good ones will be gone." I promised her that I will try it next year, hoping that I'll meet someone not online and never have to go through with it.
My mom must have conspired with the universe (or at least the Gods that control the radio), because the first song that played as I drove back to my apartment was this little ditty. Very funny, universe. I told you, I'll try it next year!
Today was a good day, as far as birthdays go. I played hooky from work (if hooky means formally scheduling the day off a month in advance) and stayed home (parents home) for an extra day.
The day got off to a not-particularly-birthdayish start: a trip to the dentist in which the hygienist went to town on my coffee/soda stains (probably my fault, but I've recently cut back, so next time should be better), and then informed me that the dentist noticed a cavity in 2010 and wrote it in my file, but never filled it. They asked me if I wanted to get it filled today. I said no. (Who gets a cavity filled on their birthday?)
Next was a birthday massage, a tradition running two years strong (and hopefully forever).
Lunch was excellent, followed by a dessert of pumpkin ice cream topped with a fluffy pumpkin cookie and accompanied by pumpkin coffee.
The day took an interesting turn during an evening walk with my mom. Out of nowhere, she dropped the 'why don't you try match.com?' bomb. Apparently, it's how everyone is meeting people these days (which makes me...no one?). I can't verbalize my opposition to online dating as well as I'd like to. I just don't want to do it, and I'm afraid that my already dwindling faith in humanity will die completely if I repeatedly subject myself to awful dates. I told her no.
"Fine," she said, "but you don't really ever meet people in your day to day life, and if you wait until you're too old to go online, all the good ones will be gone." I promised her that I will try it next year, hoping that I'll meet someone not online and never have to go through with it.
My mom must have conspired with the universe (or at least the Gods that control the radio), because the first song that played as I drove back to my apartment was this little ditty. Very funny, universe. I told you, I'll try it next year!
October 1, 2012
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