The Narcisist's Dilemna

Word of me passing my CPA exams is working its way around the office, which is funny, because I've all but forgotten about it. Today, the perpetually chipper guy who works in the mail room (and will talk to you for hours if you don't eventually give him the hint that you need to get some work done) approached me in the copy room to offer his congratulations. "You must be the happiest person in the whole world!" he cooed. I smiled and thanked him and headed back to my cube. Thinking about what he'd said, I couldn't help but think what's wrong with me?

The sad truth is, I'm not much happier than I was before. I'm less stressed and anxious, but my general level of happiness is about the same. I tried to warn myself that life would not be sparkly rainbows once I was a CPA, but the part of me that has been deliriously removed from reality these past few months wasn't listening. The harsh reality is that being more accomplished (on paper) doesn't change anything but a line your resume.

Last night, for lack of anything better to do, I looked at slow-cooker recipes on the internet (I was looking at another website that lead me to the recipes). Most recipes call to be cooked on high for 4-6 hours or low for 6-8 hours. Between the time I leave my house in the morning to when I get back is usually closer to 12 hours. No slow-cooking for me. And no regular cooking either - by the end of the day, I'm just too tired.

Tonight, I spent the evening petting the family dog (I'm home for the weekend), and realized how much I miss being around animals. I often joke that I'd kill any pet because I'm not home enough hours to take care of it. It's a joke, but also not a joke. No pets for me until I have a bigger place and someone else to co-parent.

So, to make a long story short, what's wrong with me? I go to work all day, and come home to a quiet empty apartment and a few hours to kill before bed. So what do I do? Think. I am a narcissist by force, and I'm getting tired of thinking about myself because I have nothing else to think about. I need people and/or animals and/or a good meal to relieve me from the world inside my head.