Yesterday at work, a vague email was sent to the entire company announcing that there will be a meeting for everyone on Friday and/or Monday (there are time slots, since all 250 of us won't fit in any of the conference rooms). In the 2 1/2ish years I've worked here, we've never had an all-company meeting. Most announcements are made via email (retirements, new equity partners, moving to a different floor), so I have no idea what could be so important that we all need to be told in person.
Last night, my teammate and I were at a campus recruiting event with our partner, and took the opportunity to play a 'what is the meeting about?' game of 20 questions: [Are we moving? (no) Are we acquiring a new company? (no) Is a partner leaving and taking business away? (no) etc., etc., etc.]. We then asked if he even knew what the meeting was about (yes).
"Are you allowed to tell us?" I asked.
He hesitated..."No. Probably not."
So....WHAT THE FUCK IS IT? Guess I'll find out tomorrow.
My dad's theory is that we are either merging or being acquired by another company. Hmmm.
September 19, 2013
September 16, 2013
The Mondays
Dear thief,
Today, for the first time in 2+ years of my employed adult life, I brought a real, home-cooked meal for lunch. It was a chicken, chickpea and rice curry that I'd cooked for dinner (for those of you who don't know me- it's extremely rare for me to prepare a meal that isn't made in a microwave and takes more than 5 minutes total). Mid-morning, a co-worker asked if I wanted to order food from a restaurant. I declined, because I had a delicious lunch waiting for me in the fridge. When lunchtime arrived, I went to the fridge, and my lunch wasn't there. I checked both refrigerators, both freezers, the counter, my desk, my car. No plastic bag, no tupperware, NO FOOD.
Now, I could almost understand how you might accidentally eat someone else's food ordered from a restaurant, if you had ordered food from that same restaurant and also left it in the fridge, but a home-cooked meal?? You knew damn well that you were eating someone else's food and didn't care. The email I sent to the whole department asking if anyone had 'seen my missing tupperware' (ie - who the fuck ate my lunch?), got many responses from people who had also had their lunches stolen. I ended up heating a frozen lasagna that was neither filling nor satisfying.
Hopefully, calling you out as a thief (whoever you are) will embarrass you enough to keep your paws off food that ain't yours, or at least keep the rest of the department alert enough to catch you in the act. You ruined my lunch, and for that, you must pay!
Also, as I was leaving for the day, I picked up my water cup by the lid, which was not screwed on all the way, and spilled the entire cup all over myself and my chair and my files. I headed home with water still dripping from my skirt and down my leg.
Happy Monday,
Today, for the first time in 2+ years of my employed adult life, I brought a real, home-cooked meal for lunch. It was a chicken, chickpea and rice curry that I'd cooked for dinner (for those of you who don't know me- it's extremely rare for me to prepare a meal that isn't made in a microwave and takes more than 5 minutes total). Mid-morning, a co-worker asked if I wanted to order food from a restaurant. I declined, because I had a delicious lunch waiting for me in the fridge. When lunchtime arrived, I went to the fridge, and my lunch wasn't there. I checked both refrigerators, both freezers, the counter, my desk, my car. No plastic bag, no tupperware, NO FOOD.
Now, I could almost understand how you might accidentally eat someone else's food ordered from a restaurant, if you had ordered food from that same restaurant and also left it in the fridge, but a home-cooked meal?? You knew damn well that you were eating someone else's food and didn't care. The email I sent to the whole department asking if anyone had 'seen my missing tupperware' (ie - who the fuck ate my lunch?), got many responses from people who had also had their lunches stolen. I ended up heating a frozen lasagna that was neither filling nor satisfying.
Hopefully, calling you out as a thief (whoever you are) will embarrass you enough to keep your paws off food that ain't yours, or at least keep the rest of the department alert enough to catch you in the act. You ruined my lunch, and for that, you must pay!
Also, as I was leaving for the day, I picked up my water cup by the lid, which was not screwed on all the way, and spilled the entire cup all over myself and my chair and my files. I headed home with water still dripping from my skirt and down my leg.
Happy Monday,
September 13, 2013
Sleepover
Last night, for the sake of doing something different, I decided to move my pillows and blankets next to my bed and sleep on the floor, sleepover style. Needless to say, having a sleepover by myself in my own room was completely pointless (and my neck hurt this morning from sleeping on the floor).
Once I finished browsing the various websites I frequent, my final 'sleepover' activity was listening to the radio while trying not to fall asleep. Eventually, the music stopped and I fell asleep.
Next think I know, I am woken up in the middle of the the night to the sound of a brand new song I've been listening to blasting over the radio (it's a great song). Surprised that the radio was still on (I thought I'd turned it off), and surprised that this brand new song was on the radio at 3am, I fumbled in the dark with the radio remote until I eventually found the off button.
This morning I pondered a few alternatives of what might have happened:
1) I fell asleep with the radio on, and after 3 hours of deep sleep, my brain recognized this particular song and woke me up to listen to it.
2) I turned the radio off before I fell asleep, and dreamed the whole thing.
3) I was having a sleepover by myself. Obviously, I've lost it.
Once I finished browsing the various websites I frequent, my final 'sleepover' activity was listening to the radio while trying not to fall asleep. Eventually, the music stopped and I fell asleep.
Next think I know, I am woken up in the middle of the the night to the sound of a brand new song I've been listening to blasting over the radio (it's a great song). Surprised that the radio was still on (I thought I'd turned it off), and surprised that this brand new song was on the radio at 3am, I fumbled in the dark with the radio remote until I eventually found the off button.
This morning I pondered a few alternatives of what might have happened:
1) I fell asleep with the radio on, and after 3 hours of deep sleep, my brain recognized this particular song and woke me up to listen to it.
2) I turned the radio off before I fell asleep, and dreamed the whole thing.
3) I was having a sleepover by myself. Obviously, I've lost it.
August 27, 2013
My Idiot Boss
During busy season, the Tax department gets dinners catered on Tuesday and Thursday. After the tax guys and gals are done eating, the rest of us get to pick at the leftovers.
Tonight's dinner was Chinese food.
After dinner, my boss came over, somewhat frantically.
"Did any of you eat a fortune cookie?" he asked.
"Yeah," I replied.
"Did yours have a fortune in it?"
"Yeah." I wasn't sure what he was getting at.
"Shit. I must have eaten mine."
HAHAHA. Idiot.
Tonight's dinner was Chinese food.
After dinner, my boss came over, somewhat frantically.
"Did any of you eat a fortune cookie?" he asked.
"Yeah," I replied.
"Did yours have a fortune in it?"
"Yeah." I wasn't sure what he was getting at.
"Shit. I must have eaten mine."
HAHAHA. Idiot.
August 8, 2013
Fake Birthday
Happy fake birthday to me. Though my real birthday is exactly two months away, I used to tell people my birthday was August 8 so my date of birth could be 8/8/88.
That would have been an epic birth date, but probably not worth the permanent health defects caused by being born two months premature. So, I'll stick with 10/8/88 and fully developed lungs.
Also, sorry for the hiatus. I wish I had an explanation for it, other than a combination of laziness and apathy, but I don't.
That would have been an epic birth date, but probably not worth the permanent health defects caused by being born two months premature. So, I'll stick with 10/8/88 and fully developed lungs.
Also, sorry for the hiatus. I wish I had an explanation for it, other than a combination of laziness and apathy, but I don't.
July 3, 2013
American Psychos
Dear Crazies Everywhere:
Tomorrow is a day dedicated to celebrating patriotism, marked by parades and social gatherings of all sizes.
If you are in possession of a gun, feeling unstable, and planning to attend a large social gathering,
do us all a favor and just fucking don't.
Tomorrow is a day dedicated to celebrating patriotism, marked by parades and social gatherings of all sizes.
If you are in possession of a gun, feeling unstable, and planning to attend a large social gathering,
do us all a favor and just fucking don't.
July 1, 2013
Hints and Lines
Dear [unnamed male co-worker],
Early last week, while discussing our weekends, I mentioned that I had gone on a hike. You said that you knew of a cool hike, and asked me if I wanted to hike with you the following weekend.
I agreed, because I like hiking.
Had I been aware of the implications attached to someone who likes hiking agreeing to go on a hike, or that you were going to tell your family about the hike (and therefore, me), or that you were going to bombard me with constant texts for the next three days, I would not have gone on the hike.
So, please take a hint from the fact that I'm only answering 1 of every 5 texts you're sending (and that's only because I work with you every day), and leave me alone, before I have to tell you to leave me alone. You are crossing all kinds of lines, and I'm getting annoyed.
In conclusion, I went on a hike because i LIKE HIKING, not because I like you.
Early last week, while discussing our weekends, I mentioned that I had gone on a hike. You said that you knew of a cool hike, and asked me if I wanted to hike with you the following weekend.
I agreed, because I like hiking.
Had I been aware of the implications attached to someone who likes hiking agreeing to go on a hike, or that you were going to tell your family about the hike (and therefore, me), or that you were going to bombard me with constant texts for the next three days, I would not have gone on the hike.
So, please take a hint from the fact that I'm only answering 1 of every 5 texts you're sending (and that's only because I work with you every day), and leave me alone, before I have to tell you to leave me alone. You are crossing all kinds of lines, and I'm getting annoyed.
In conclusion, I went on a hike because i LIKE HIKING, not because I like you.
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